Jo is facing Father’s Day having lost her husband and father

Jo Betz thought she knew exactly what her life would look like after meeting and marrying Craig, the man of her dreams.
“He was a very good man,” she tells 9honey.
So when Craig died from an asthma attack when their daughter was just four, it came as a shock. 
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Following her husband’s death seven years ago, she and their young daughter Heidi moved in with her parents. Her father stepped in to help the mother and daughter navigate their new reality.
“My dad brought a lot of love, security and stability into my life,” Jo, 42, says. “Dad was a stonemason or a blue stonemason, taking us to his workplaces and he did a little bit of travel with his work.
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“We grew up in the country, spending time with him outdoors, whether that was chopping wood or, you know, just being together in each other’s company.”
The family grew up on a property just outside of Geelong in Victoria. She describes him as “firm but fair.”
“I think a lot of guidance about not judging others and that we should be fair and treat others equally and respectfully also,” she says. “I think we knew when we could act up but also when to toe the line.”
She knew her dad was sick. But she didn’t expect to lose him so suddenly.
“What was really interesting with my dad is for many, many years, he’d always said to me that he’d had such a great life, and there was no fear around his impending death,” she says.
“Obviously we didn’t realise it would be so quickly, but in terms of the grief experienced after that, a lot more of a beautiful experience because I think he led a really fulfilling life.”
This Father’s Day, Jo and her daughter Heidi, now 11, plan to spend the day ”honouring both dads in the scenario by either eating their favourite foods or doing something they would have loved. Craig’s favourite food was oysters and her dad loved Twisties.
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“Maybe a walk and a bit of a pyjama date instead,” she says of what the day will look like for them. “And we’ll, yeah, share stories and probably look at some photos too.”
Sally Douglas, co-host of the podcast Good Mourning, says there are steps you can take to help get through after the loss of a parent.
“If you want to, maybe think of some practical ways to honour your person, or maybe some friends are better for the social support,” she says. “So, if you want to, kind of go out for the day and take your mind off things and then have some fun.”
Limiting social media is another way to get through the day, according to Douglas, who launched the podcast after she and friend Imogen Carn each lost their mothers.
“I always, always log off Instagram on Mother’s Day because sometimes you don’t need to be reminded of what you don’t have,” she says.
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She says those who have lost their fathers can expect what she labels “grief bombs” which are like “triggers of grief that just seem to explode out of nowhere and consume you”.
“So just give yourself grace to see how you feel on the day. It might be helpful to have somebody on standby, you know a friend or a family member that you know you can kind of reach out to if you are having a tough day,” she says.
“Also maybe think about honouring them in a way and it doesn’t have to be massive but like is it if you’re with your family sharing your favorite story about them,” she says.
“Maybe it’s a funny story or one of their jokes, or is it like cooking something that you know your dad really enjoyed to eat, or is it listening to his favorite album … this can be quite cathartic.
“There might be a few tears but there might be a few laughs as well.”
On September 18 Good Mourning is launching The Good Mourning Club, a peer support platform for those navigating loss. Find out more here.
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